Do you ever feel like you are not quite yourself? Like somewhere along the path you lost a piece of your authenticity and you just can’t seem to put your finger on what it was or where it went?
You are not alone. Many people feel this way — women in particular but men, too — and a large part of that lost sense of self is, in fact, the lost art of connecting with the parts of yourself that are deeply feminine: the nurturing, empathetic, vulnerable, creative and intuitive parts.
There is a rising in the world at present, the rising of feminine energy, and unfolding is a collective consciousness that this feminine energy is what the world needs to heal and transform. For so long we have been bathed only in the masculine. It’s what our organisations, power structures, success models and most of our societies are based on. And this energy, as can be evidenced in recent political, social and economic events, is not creating the world most people want to live in: one that is harmonious, fair, equitable and safe.
There is a rising in the world, the rising of feminine energy, and unfolding is a collective consciousness this feminine energy is what the world needs to heal and transform.
When we think about power, it’s all too often masculine power led by drive, ambition, competitiveness, independence and power over others. You may recognise the masculine around you and, indeed, within you. Qualities like determination, aggression, decisiveness and over-confidence are all traits that research associates with the masculine.
It doesn’t take much searching to see these traits everywhere, in both men and women. These are not bad traits; we need them and they are especially powerful when they are in balance with the feminine. But, far too often, we have let the masculine go into overdrive and we have let the feminine aspects of our natures wither on the vine. The rejection of the feminine and identification with the masculine is part of this path many have walked.
In their bestselling book The Athena Doctrine, How Women and the Men Who Think Like Them Will Rule the Future, John Gerzema and Michael D’Antonio witnessed an emerging trend whereby people from 13 countries want to see more feminine traits in society today. In fact, people living everywhere from Japan to Korea, Germany to the United States, correlate happiness, leadership, success and morality to the prevalence of ascending feminine traits: those mentioned, like nurturing and empathy, as well as traits like collaboration, kindness, reliability and generosity.
… when the societal value of feminine traits in both women and in men is raised, men are given the space and permission to find a more nurturing balance for themselves as well.
This will be comforting news to many women who are desperately seeking ways to show up authentically for their own happiness and success. There are waves of women who are tired of living with a prevalence of unempowered feminine energy, feeling out of touch with their natural essence and over-compensating with masculine energy.
Many men are also undergoing an awakening and looking to step out of societal norms and expectations and be in better balance with their feminine traits. This is no small feat in a world that tells men and boys to “man up” and which has long rejected their right to be anything other than the alpha male: dominant, in charge, strong, successful, driven, competitive, the bread winner. Is it any wonder more men aren’t taking the lead on the Home front?
When women own and step into the divine feminine, when the societal value of feminine traits in both women and men is raised, men are given the space and permission to find a more nurturing balance for themselves as well.
So how do you — we — get there? The path is that of learning to tap into your feminine traits and enhance your feminine power. And the questions become: How do you step into that space? What does feminine power look like? How do you own that for yourself?
10 ways to tap into your feminine power
1. Slow down
You can’t possibly tap into the feminine when you are racing around at a million miles an hour. Time and space to just be, and to unfold into yourself, are incredibly important, even critical, for you to be able to get a sense of what your feminine power can look and feel like. Work out how and when you can create some space for yourself, remove things from your calendar, start setting boundaries and create moments of slowness and stillness, even if they are relatively small to start with.
2. Tune in
Once you have created space to slow down and be still, it’s time to learn to tune in. For so many people, the ability to tap into their intuition is a lost artform in the busy-ness of the world today. It can also be quite confronting to quiet the monkey mind and really get in touch with what your soul is telling you (perhaps scary to even think about). Intuition is considered a feminine trait that sits at the very heart of feminine power. Meditation is the quickest path to your intuitive side. Sit quietly for up to 30 minutes a day to awaken the feminine essence of your inner knowing. Even five minutes daily to start with will make a world of difference.
3. Identify your power source
When you consider that, regardless of gender, everyone has both masculine and feminine traits available to them, it’s interesting to ask yourself: “How am I showing up?” Often, we are working and living on autopilot and completely disengaged from where our power is coming from. Women who believe they are acting as role models in business but are being completely inauthentic to their natural feminine state; and men who have been so socialised that they stamp out any aspect of their feminine essence, which they and society so desperately need to flourish and be in balance — take a really honest look at where your power is coming from.
4. Choose the traits you need
Now that you have a solid idea of how you are currently showing up, take a look at the traits you think will serve you best. Are you using your feminine traits such as vulnerability, empathy and compassion? Or are you more firmly steeped in your masculine traits of drive, authority and independence? It could be that you have lost all touch with your creative passions while you work in a corporate job that identifies more with your masculine tendencies. Or that you are so tired of being strong and independent all the time and what you really want is to show more of your vulnerability and ask for support. Look at the list of traits at the end of this article and see what you need more of, and which ones will help you tap into your feminine power in a new way.
5. Own all aspects of yourself
Many people reject the feminine parts of themselves for fear of appearing soft, vulnerable, weak and essentially powerless. Society has long lost value for feminine traits. The feminine can be seen as weak, and for a long time people who led with feminine traits were seen as passive and easily dismissed. But times are changing and it starts with you. Own all aspects of yourself — the masculine and the feminine — and claim and embody all that you are. When you deny a part of yourself, you lose your power. What do you need to reclaim, to bring your feminine power back to you? Call back your power now.
6. Check your stories
Studies show that women in particular can lack confidence, leading them to step away from their feminine power because of the limiting stories we tell ourselves. Start to catch your stories about your feminine nature. It could be “They won’t like me if I show my vulnerability” or “If I’m too nice I’ll get walked over” or even “I can’t be creative and work in a professional role at the same time”. Once you’ve caught the story, ask yourself the simple question, “Is that true?”, then start to reframe unhelpful stories that undermine your power.
7. Nurture yourself
A simple way to honour the feminine within you is to find ways to really nurture yourself. These could include having a bubble bath, lighting a candle, burning some aromatherapy oils while you work, starting a yoga practice or even taking the type of holiday that allows you to fully recharge instead of being run ragged. Build yourself a “nurture me” list: small things that can help to restore your spirit, balance your energies and nourish the feminine within you. And yes, guys, this applies to you, too!
8. Speak your truth
Do you find yourself biting your tongue or not telling the truth about how you feel for fear of appearing less-than? Less than smart, less than strong, less than together, less than powerful? Next time you are hesitating about speaking your truth, home in on your vulnerability and soften into using your true voice. That’s where your feminine power lies. And, while you are at it, stop saying sorry all the time. Who you are does not need any apology.
9. Check your relationships
Take a look at your romantic relationships and see where the balance of feminine and masculine traits is lying. Is one of you so firmly grounded in masculine energy that there is no room for the feminine to bloom? Check yourself if that masculine energy is in you. For many women in relationships, they are driving so hard and controlling everything so much that there is no space for the feminine, leaving their partners feeling unempowered and compromised. And, for men in relationships, where is your power and what role are you showing up in?
10. Get creative
One of the most powerful and intuitive ways to get in touch with your feminine power is through the lost art of creativity. When was the last time you created something? Made some art, your art? It could be painting, needlepoint, gardening, cooking food with love for your family, going for a walk with your camera, writing something, making iMovies, salsa dancing — whatever you need to do to tap into your creative essence that has a deep longing to be heard (whether you can hear it or not, it’s there), do it. Get creative and watch your feminine essence unfold.
Awaken the feminine
Feminine power lies within us all — whatever our gender or sexual orientation. It may have been lying dormant in you for a very long time, but there is an awakening happening in the world today and you can create your own unfolding into your feminine essence through playing with these practices, raising your awareness and permitting yourself to come home. That is where your power lies. Your true feminine power.
Feminine power practices
- Create a sacred women’s circle. This can be in the guise of anything from a book club to a running group, from drinks on a Wednesday night to a full moon gathering on the beach once a month. We have lost the art of gathering as women once did, to connect, to nurture each other and to actually give space, time, energy and permission for the feminine to rise within us individually and collectively. We need to honour it. We need to make it important. And we need to raise its value as high as the masculine has been raised for what seems like all of eternity.
- Bring in nurturing practices that honour the feminine. Create a sacred altar to the feminine. Meditate. Chant. Walk. Swim in the ocean. Cleanse your crystals. Light a candle. Paint. Sing. Dance. Create. Start with whatever moves you, whatever lights even the smallest spark that will help to bring you home.
- Men, get more in touch with your feminine nature. Spend more time with women and male friends who use their traits of empathy, vulnerability, compassion. Challenge your perhaps natural or socialised tendency to hide your true feelings. Be more expressive and communicative. Small steps can yield powerful results. Think of one small act you can take each day that nudges you more into your feminine side and watch yourself relax, deepen further into your true balanced nature and flourish.
Feminine and masculine traits to bring into balance